Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The air was thick with penises
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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