I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
