It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
