I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
BRING THE BAGELS
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
