he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
