is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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