i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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