I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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