Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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