Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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