I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
