i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
