I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I deserve this hangover.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
