My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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