i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
