i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
