i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Randomize