The best revenge is premature balding
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We were destined to go to rehab together
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
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