I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
