4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
