Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My cat gives me a boner
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Pooping to opera.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
