the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
