I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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