Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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