i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize