Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Randomize
