Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
