she looked like the before picture.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize