Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
