Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
