I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
