I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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