Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
