that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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