So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
