Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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