sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
