It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
