Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
