this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
