Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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