i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
