Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
