when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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