it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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