Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
