Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
