No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I didn't notice because vodka
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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