sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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