We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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