help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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