Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
