So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
