I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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