drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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