It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
