Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
