You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
