walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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