bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
