the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
