just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
