No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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