I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
