Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I need water and some morals
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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