How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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