What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
