At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
