my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
